


Lament for What Could Have Been

by talia_elyse



Series: What Could Have Been [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aangst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Cannon Divergence, Canon Rewrite, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Guilt, I really hate the last scene of the show, a really good back crack is not how you unlock a chakra, katara is not a reward for doing your job, the teashop scene, zutara if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:42:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27265912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talia_elyse/pseuds/talia_elyse
Summary: The war is over, they're laughing in Iroh's tea shop, and everything should be perfect. But on the balcony of the Jasmine Dragon, there's one last brutal thing that Katara needs to do: tell Aang she doesn't love him.A re-write of that fateful balcony scene where instead of getting together, Aang and Katara learn to let go.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: What Could Have Been [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990837
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67





	Lament for What Could Have Been

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic! I was possessed to write at 2am by the spirits of insomnia and a deep discontent with Aang getting everything without any real sacrifice, and this is the result. Could be the first chapter of a slow-burn zutara fic, but works just fine as a stand-alone. Let me know what you think!

Katara found the Avatar leaning against the balcony railing of the Jasmine Dragon, silhouetted against the brilliant setting sun. She had to admit, the view was spectacular. It felt like she could cup the whole of Ba Sing Se in her hands. She was pretty sure the price tag for this location was beyond what she could hope to see in a lifetime. _I guess being the Fire Lord’s Uncle has its perks_ , she thought privately.

The door to the dining room clicked softly behind her as she stepped onto the deck, calling Aang’s attention to her. The most brilliant, lovestruck smile spread across his face, and she felt the answering crack in her resolve like a physical thing in her chest.

“Can you believe it, Katara? It’s actually over. We did it! We saved the world.” There was something in his voice, a dreaminess, like he truly couldn’t wrap his mind around the words falling from his mouth.

She couldn’t help it. She smiled back. “I always believed you would.”

He shook his head. “Not just me. I stopped Ozai, but you, Sokka, Suki, Toph, Zuko, our friends... you stopped an _army_.” He snatched her hand from her side and pulled it to his chest, holding it close to his heart. “We did it together.”

She extracted her hand from his grip as gently as she could, repositioning her grip on the railing to hide her reluctance to hold his hand. “We did.” She turned her gaze to the sunset on the horizon, so she wouldn’t have to keep seeing that besotted sparkle in his eye. She’d managed to ignore it for so long. When they were traveling, there was always some disaster they were running from or towards to keep both of them distracted from Aang’s growing feelings, and her... lack thereof.

She’d kept hoping they would appear. The two of them made sense. The Boy in the Iceberg and the Last Southern Waterbender who freed him, traveling the world and saving it together. It should have been the most epic love story in history. Aunt Wu had told her she was destined to marry a powerful bender, and who was more powerful than the Avatar? She’d clung to that prophecy for months, waiting for the first hints of love to bloom in her chest and consume her, but they just... didn’t.

She thought, _maybe it’s just the stress of the war. Maybe, when it’s over, then it will happen_. She repeated it like a mantra every night before bed on Ember Island, curled up in silk sheets fit only for Fire Nation royalty, resolutely ignoring their team’s very own Fire Nation royal sleeping just on the opposite side of her wall.

But then, everything changed the night of the play. When Aang kissed her, she’d felt a lot. Angry, frustrated... violated. She’d grown used to him seeing what he wanted to see; a sunnier world where things were as happy and carefree as him, but for him to ambush her with that kiss? For him to completely disregard her feelings so he could have his romantic moment? It wasn’t something she’d ever thought he would do to her. She’d wanted to slap him, but settled for telling him off.

In that moment, she was glad Toph was nowhere to be found, because the minute she told him she was confused, she knew she was lying. That kiss had given her clarity about what she’d known deep-down for a long time. There was no spark, no passion; just lips and teeth and a little bit of disgust. She didn’t like him like that.

Of course she loved him, how could she not? They’d been through so much together. She couldn’t imagine her life without him in it. Knew she never would have become everything she was without him there. But she wasn’t in love with him.

She also knew she couldn’t tell him before the comet.

He was the Avatar, the destined savior of the world, but he was also Aang, a lovestruck twelve-year-old boy. And if Katara broke his heart, he wouldn’t have the focus, the motivation, to do what had to be done. So she lied. Asked him for more time to figure everything out. Asked him to wait. She hated herself as she did it, knew how cruel it was to plant false hope in his heart.

She hated herself now, as she prepared to reap what she’d sown.

She breathed in deeply through her nose to prepare herself. “Aang, I—“

“Do you want to come with me to Omashu?”

“—what?” She had no idea where that came from.

“Omashu. Bumi is returning to his palace with the Order of the White Lotus to begin peace talks, and they want me there. Do you...want to come with me?” She could see it in his face. He was asking for so much more than a mail chute sledding partner. He didn’t want her to go with him as a friend. He wanted it to be their first trip as a couple.

She swallowed. Now or never. “Aang... I can’t.”

His smile dropped. “What? Why not? Are you going somewhere else? You said you didn’t want to go back to the South Pole yet. Where are you going?” She wasn’t sure, but it didn’t seem like he breathed at all between words.

“I don’t have other plans, Aang, I just— I can’t go with you.” She looked down at her hands, balling them into fists to give her the strength to say what she had to next. “I can’t go with you the way you want me too.”

He may have been young, but Aang wasn’t stupid. She finally turned back to look at him as comprehension turned his expression from confused to something more distressed, hurt, and desperate.

“But—but on the island—you said—“

She sighed, and it felt like a boulder was pressing on her chest, even as a weight was slowly lifting from her shoulders. “I told you I was confused, Aang.” A pause, another sigh. “And I’m not anymore.”

Surprisingly, he didn’t get upset. He didn’t throw a tantrum or run away. Instead he collapsed in a heap on the ground, turning his back on the sun and resting his head against the lower rung of the railing. She joined him, more aware of the few inches of space between them than she’d ever been before. A canyon wider that the Great Divide was rapidly growing in the six inches between their shoulders.

They sat in silence for a small eternity before he whispered, “You were never going to love me, were you?”

He sounded so broken, so defeated, she couldn’t help the tears that slid down her cheeks in response. Her voice cracked as she replied, “I tried.” It was the truth. She owed him that.

He laughed, once, but there was no humor in it. “Yeah, apparently not hard enough.”

She recoiled like the words were a physical blow. She’d expected him to be sad, frantic, to try to persuade her to give him another chance, but the venom in his voice wasn’t something she’d ever anticipated. “Aang—“

He sighed. “Agh, no, that’s... I’m sorry. That’s not fair. It’s just...you were supposed to be my forever girl.”

She was crying in earnest now. In the back of her mind, she thought it was ironic that she was the one crying, not him. He was the one getting his heart broken. But she hated seeing her friend hurt, especially when she was the one doing the hurting, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. “I know,” she whispered. “And I am so, so sorry.”

The tears continued to run down her face in silence, quickly traveling from her cheeks to her chin, then down her neck to soak into her collar. In any other circumstance, she would bend the water from the cloth to keep the salt from discoloring the new fabric, but she couldn’t find it in her to care.

After another long stretch of silence, Aang cleared his throat. “When I was fighting Ozai, there was a moment, right before the end, when I fell. I crashed into a rock pillar, and I hit my back right where Azula hit me with her lightning. I thought I was going to lose. But just as I was about to give in, I had this... this vision. I remembered when I was training with Guru Pathik.”

Katara’s tears had subsided, and she was paying rapt attention. When Aang came back from the Guru, he didn’t say much. She always felt he was purposefully evaded questions about his training with the man, but she never had the time to really push.

Aang continued, staring at his shoes all the while, like he was afraid to see her reaction, “I never mastered my chakras with him, didn’t learn how to access the Avatar State, because there was something blocking me. You. He told me that long as I held on to you, to my love for you, I would always be too selfish, too attached to the mortal realm, too Aang, to fully be the Avatar.”

Her eyes widened as comprehension dawned. “You refused.”

He nodded. “I did. I wanted to believe that I could be both. I could be the Avatar, and I could be a kid with a crush, too.” He paused. “But when I was laying on the ground on the battlefield, I finally understood. You can’t save everyone if you only care about one person. The Avatar State is about embracing all of my past lives at once, and also being none of them at all. I had to be in the Avatar State to beat him, so I had to let go of what made me just Aang.” He reached for her hand, and this time she let him. “I had to let go of my love for you.”

She bit her lip to hold in her gasp, unsure if it was in shock, or sympathy, or sadness, or a twisted combination of the three. He ran his thumb over her knuckles, but there was no intent behind the action, no response he wanted to elicit. It was like he was holding the hand of a ghost, a phantom limb of what could have been. He continued, “But then, I won. And I didn’t have to kill the Fire Lord to do it, like everyone said I would. So I thought, _maybe I don’t have to give up Katara either. Maybe I can finally change my destiny_. But,” he returned her hand to her lap, and shifted his seated position to face her head-on, “it doesn’t matter, because you aren’t in love with me.” He stood up, and started to make his way to the door.

Katara scrambled to stand from her seated position. Fabrics from her garment twisted around her legs and almost sent her sprawling if not for the railing to support her. She reached out her arm for his, but he was already out of reach. “Aang, wait,” she called. She was suddenly so afraid for this moment to end, because once it did, things would never be the same between them. But while they were in this little bubble of time and space, they were free to be completely honest and open in a way they may not be again for a long time.

He turned back to her, and it was impossible to mistake the tiny flicker of hope in his eyes as his eyebrow raised in question. She rushed forward and threw her arms around him. One last hug, to say goodbye.

She mumbled into the fabric on his shoulder, “I—I hope you find her. Your forever girl. You have given everything for the world, and you deserve some happiness. You deserve to be loved for being Aang, not for being the Avatar. And... I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be.” There was so much more that she wanted to say, but none of it really mattered in comparison to this: “And I hope... I hope one day, when we’re old and know peace and the war feels like a bad dream, we can be friends again.”

He pulled back from the hug to hold her firmly by the shoulders, and his eyes turned fierce. “We’ll always be friends, Katara. But... but I think I need to not see you for a while. It feels like I was cut open, and... and I need time to stitch myself back up.” He let his arms fall from her shoulders and stepped back.

She nodded. “Okay.”

He gave her one last sad smile before returning inside. The sound of the other’s laughter trickled out through the closing door, and Katara was truly alone for the first time since before Sozin’s Comet. _Funny_ , she thought to herself, _we may have to come up with a new name for that._

As she turned back to face the skyline, the last rays of sunlight dipped below the horizon, and she could already see the moon rising up into the sky. As she gazed up at Yue, she felt a profound sense of relief, and another set of tears began to fall. There was still work to be done, but for the moment, it was finally over. She cried for Aang, and what could have been. She cried for everyone they lost in the war, both known and unknown. And she cried for herself: Katara, the Last Waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe, War Hero, and a girl finally free to make her own destiny.


End file.
